As Disney prepares to release its latest animation Wreck-it-ralph, word is already very good. A movie about a misunderstood video game character must have seemed a hard sell considering the awful awfulness of most games related films. So to celebrate we’ve compiled our top 5 worst!
5. Super Mario Bros. 1993
Where do I begin? A big budget adaptation of Shigero Miyamoto’s turtle murdering Italian plumber starring an English character actor. What could possibly go wrong? An awful storyline involving evolution of dinosaurs in a parallel dimension and shoehorning in a mushroom based side story are words that should never be placed together in the same sentence. Even worse was to come a year later.
4. Double Dragon 1994
Based on the original ‘dudes walk from left to right and beat up streetpunks’ game this must have seemed like a good idea at the time. However the decision to cast an actor most famous for being in dreary depression-fest ‘Party of Five’ was categorically not a good idea. Brilliantly Double Dragon is set in the futuristic dystopia otherwise known as 1997. We can all remember what a classic year that was for karate tough guys.
3. House of the Dead 2003
The first but not the last entry on our list from director Use Boll, a man who’s made his name through offensively poor video game movies. House of the Dead is based on the Sega arcade game of the same name in which players shoot the dead…..in a house. Deciding that this sounds too good, Boll sets the film on a tropical party island. At once proving that eyes are overrated, the film actually made a profit.
2. Alone in the Dark 2005
Another absolute stinker from Use Boll and equally determined to shit all over a million childhoods, the German director does it again. Starring the twin acting juggernauts of Christian Slater and Tara Reid (surely this generations Bogart and Bacall), Alone in the Dark is widely regarded one of the worst films ever made. One for particularly extreme masochists or a film to recommend to your worst enemy.
1. Streetfighter 1994
Streetfighter is a truly awful movie, awful good that is! It probably shouldn’t be in the same category as the others on this list as its actually extremely good fun and never gets boring. Highlights are Jean Claude Van-Damme’s mental portrayal as Guile, the batshit insane plot and the way the film shoehorns absolutely every Streetfighter character into it (E. Honda as a sumo wrestling television cameraman is a particular highlight). Streetfighter was always destined to be a cult classic.
Have you got any suggestions or a creepy love for one of the films in the list? Leave a comment and receive a free dragon punch to the balls. All views are welcome!