I know that guy! 80s action movie bad-guy edition!

Hey.  Yeah you.  You’re that dude that was in all those awful amazing 1980s action films? What? Of course I know your name, it’s…. Uh… ah shit!

We’ve all been there, you’re buying a findus crispy horse cake for dinner and you bump into that guy who was a henchman in Diehard.  You don’t know his name and it breaks his heart. I hope you’re happy with yourself. Prick.

Well you don’t need to worry about this common occurrence anymore as Screenkicker gives a rundown of the top nameless evil henchmen in action movies of a specific period. How’s that for appealing to the masses?

3. Al Leong

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Hide the chocolate bars!

Known for: Die Hard, Big Trouble in Little China, Lethal Weapon

Otherwise known as ‘Asian henchman with big moustache’. Al also sports a memorable long hair but bald on top look known in hairstyling circles as a ‘Nutkins’. As a boy growing up in Northern Ireland imagine my disappointment when I discovered that real terrorists don’t look like this guy.

Greatest role

It’s a toss up between his parts in Die Hard and Lethal Weapon. On one hand its always fun to see Mel Gibson electrocuted but you can’t beat a bad-guy who steals a chocolate bar before slaughtering an entire SWAT team. Therefore Al’s performance in Die Hard wins this one.

2. Robert Z’Dar

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Did we mention the face?

Known for Maniac Cop, Tango and Cash

Look at that face. Look at it! No its not what happens when a Pixar animator spills coke on his computer while creating a normal human head. That’s Robert Z’Dar and he’s the main feature in your nightmares for the next two weeks. Big Rob has acted in an enormous 177 films according to IMDB including 3 Maniac Cop movies, a series about a corrupt policeman who comes back from the dead an kills loads of people. Z’Dar is unlikely to be cast as Mr Darcy in any future adaptations of Pride and Predjudice. Sorry ladies.

Greatest role

Tango and Cash. Plays a violent prison inmate named ‘Face’ showing a good demonstration of the level of imagination that went into a film about two mismatched cops becoming partners. A beautiful example of Z’Dar’s massive face talent.

1. Vernon Wells

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Caption not required

Known for: Mad Max 2, Commando, Fortress

Need a vaguely homo-erotic, psychopathic villain? Then look no further than Vernon Wells. Sported ass-less chaps in Mad Max 2 and a metal string vest in Commando, Wells was always a trendsetter when it came to clothing. Who can remember a time when we didn’t have these items in our wardrobes? He’s still appearing in future classics such as Jurassic Attack and Restless Justice. Fun fact: appeared in one episode of Prisoner: Cell Block H.

Greatest role

As Bennett in Commando. Plays an old army associate of Arnold Schwarzeneggar begging the question: what branch of the US army is recruiting random Austrian and Australian muscle- men? Wells delivers every line like he’s genuinely aroused by the thought of fighting Arnie. A classic performance.

Maybe you’d like to add another 80s action movie stalwart? Maybe you just need a name for one of these unsung heroes? Let us know in the comments section.

6 comments

  1. This post was really funny. Especially the stuff about Vernon Wells. I’ve never really given it much thought, but he is quite homo-erotic in all of his performances now that you mention it.

    Like

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