3D or not 3D – Confessions of a cinema cyclops

Now let my clarify.  I’m not a cyclops in the sense that I stomp around trying to eat Greeks (I prefer Estonians), nor does it mean I’m a boring mutant who fires directed plasma blasts from their eyes.  No the very boring reality is that I’m blind in my left eye (people blind in their right eyes are losers, am I right?!).  Some of the world’s greatest people are monocular, Snake Plisskin, Nick Fury, the governor from The Walking Dead.  OK I’ll admit I don’t know any real life people but then I don’t actually know many people in real life.  So what’s this article about?

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The truth is I can’t see films in 3D .( that’s me doing a sad face with one eye.  3D sends a different image to each eye which the brain puts together to create the illusion of three dimensions on screen.  My shitty ‘good’ eye can’t handle this.  On top of this if I went to see a 3D movie I would still have to wear the stupid glasses just to watch it with throwing up.  ‘Deal with it Mike’ I can hear you mutter and I largely have.  I hear lots of folks slagging off 3D and saying its a fad but the truth is I would love 3D.  I wouldn’t want it to fail but I’ve now been driven to a place where I hope it dies.

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That’s me by the way

The reason I hate it now has nothing to do with being jealous of binocular people or that I’m waiting for the 3D version of Showgirls.  The problem is that I live in a city with one IMAX screen.  I can’t get enough of IMAX when it comes to big action movies so imagine my delight when I saw that Iron Man 3 was on Edinburgh’s only IMAX.  So I went to the website and attempted to book my tickets when I saw the phrase that inspired this rant – IMAX 3D.  I’ll be honest, my jaw dropped and my monocle fell into my champagne glass.  I have a monocle, not because I’m posh, but because its cheaper than a whole pair of glasses.  Anyway that part is a lie but my point stands – show w the film in either IMAX or 3D please.  Think about us monocular film fans who have to watch the movie on a tiny screen crying single tears into our popcorn.

All I’m asking is for cinemas to spare a thought for us, I don’t want any special treatment, just a 2D IMAX screening.  And some beer.  And a shoulder massage.  And maybe Scarlett Johansson to come too.  But please don’t talk during the trailers Scarlett.  I thought I asked you not to do that Scarlett?  OK that’s it, put your clothes back on and get out, I want to concentrate on this trailer for Jason Statham’s new movie.

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This is your last chance Johansson

What were we talking about again?  Oh yeah, 2D IMAX option now.  What do my loyal readers think?  Get to the comments immediately, I’ve got my eye on you!

25 comments

  1. I can’t stand 3D. I went to see The Avengers in 3D and it almost made me sick. I tend to cock my head to one side or the other when I’m watching things and it was pretty terrible experience….

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  2. Eye agree (sorry). 3D is nothing more than a way to over advertise and make more money on already expensive tickets!

    Eye (sorry) didn’t enjoy 3D when I was a kid, eye (sorry) like it even less now!

    Good blog. Keep it up.

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  3. Oh, so that’s where all my neighbours go… into your belly. Cool. Please don’t eat me (yet)? I’m still sad for you, though, must really suck (though – 3D is a bitch and gives me headaches…). Though you’re like Nick Fury – which is immensely awesome.

    PS, we don’t have IMAX in Estonia. So we kinda deserve the eating, I suppose.

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  4. Very funny post again. I like this, 3D though not so much I am slowly turning away from it, the 3D in iron man 3 nearly ruined it completely, so much so I went to went to watch it again in 2D! I saw the dark knight rises last year in imax in Liverpool and as a cinema experience it was one of the best I have had, regardless of the movie it has to be savioured, I did a post on it at the time. Imax is much better than 3D for me.

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  5. Haha this is a great post, and interesting to think about. I’ve honestly not yet seen a movie in 3D. Way too expensive and I feel I would get sick too. 2D is just fine with me, but I can’t believe they didn’t offer you an option at that theater!! BOOO I say, !! boo!!

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  6. Hello. I am another one of those five people out of every million who has had eye cancer. I was 29 when I was diagnosed. The cancer was just before reaching my brain when I had surgery. I have since learned of one other person who had this cancer. He did not survive. Be strong and live well.

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  7. Hi Michael. I found you from Christine over at projectlighttolife after reading your story on her blog. Firstly, in response to this post, I would also add to the discussion by saying that I think 3D films are a waste of money and not worth it. You are not missing anything! I get annoyed too if a 2D version isn’t showing at the time slot I want and I don’t think it’s right. Just another way for the business to make even more money out of us 😉
    I really like your 2D IMAX idea! Except in my case I would prefer to have Johnny Depp by my side 🙂

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  8. To be honest mate your actually not missing a great deal, for some films it adds a teeny bit to the experience but I tend to forget after about twenty minutes that I’m watching something in 3D.

    3D is getting ‘out of hand’ i.e. being over utiilised (the large majority of 3D films are post converted with varying degrees of success and not actually shot in 3D) and in a lot of cases it’s just to squeeze more cash out of us film lovers – making all the new IMAX releases 3D even more so (2D IMAX is expensive enough as it is).

    Take ‘Thor: The Dark World’ which I recently booked, it’s only showing on the IMAX screen in 3D (at least on initial release)…£14.70 per ticket – ouch! I only really wanted to see it on a regular screen and would even have opted for 2D to save a few more coins.

    So don’t be too disappointed mate you’re not missing a great deal and keep enjoying what you love but I agree that cinema chains should be a lot more considerate in offering alternative viewing options!

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