Kick-Ass 2 is out this Friday. It’s the story of a young man who kicks ass as a real life superhero. So to commemorate this release let’s look at my top five movie vigilantes.
Movie vigilantes are cool, they operate outside the law, apprehending the criminals that the police can’t catch. They wear cool costumes, have gadgets or fancy guns, and sneak around in the shadows ninjitsuing the shit out of bad guys. Real life vigilantes however are never quite as trendy, usually consisting of bored middle-aged men who live with their mothers.
5. Paul Kersey – Death Wish
Charles Bronson pretty much defined the revenge-fueled headcase with his portrayal of a man who murders the asses off evil goons. I haven’t seen it in years and I get it confused with the one with the watermelons so I’ll shut up now. There are six sequels where presumably they have to introduce distant relatives just to be murdered and give him a reason to pick up his gun again.
4. Anything with Steven Seagal in it
Hard to Kill, Marked for Death, Above the Law. Pretty much anything Seagal is in involves him going on a rampage, using his martial arts skills to basically push the villains. Seriously, how hard would it be to use your legs sometime. Chuck Norris doesn’t have a monopoly on the roundhouse kick (wait, I’m just being informed that in fact he does).
3. John Matrix – Commando
It’s no secret that I love Commando. There are so many great moments – feeding the deer, killing a man on a plane, tooling up for the climax – but essentially it’s a touching tale of a single parent looking after his only child. Yes, that man is named John Matrix, and yes, he kills eighty-four people over the course of the film but at it’s heart it’s basically Finding Nemo with rocket launchers.
2. John W. Creasey – Man on Fire
Denzil Washington goes off the reservation as a CIA guy tasked with protecting a little girl. It doesn’t take long for him to fuck up and lose her and from here on he goes full nutjob and takes down anyone even remotely involved in her abduction. He even shoves a grenade up a bad guy’s derrière at one point – classic viligante behaviour.
1. Batman – Umm…Batman
You already knew number one didn’t you? Yes, Bruce Wayne is the most well known citizen to ever take the law into his own hands. He’s a billionaire whose parents were murdered which inspired him to fight against the criminal world. But you already knew all of that. It’ll be interesting to see his reasons for going toe to toe with Superman in their upcoming movie.
Who’s your favourite vigilante? And please don’t tell me it’s your uncle, who hides in the shadows and murders jaywalkers, because I’ll have to call the authorities. Have you ever brought down a huge drug cartel or a crime syndicate? Get to the comments right now hero!