Oh Noah you didn’t!
Director: Darren Aronofsky
Running time: 138 mins
Cast: Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, Ray Winstone, Emma Watson
Let me start off by saying one thing – Noah is a very strange film. A good film but a strange one. Before writing this review I decided to take a look at the message boards for Noah on the Internet Movie Database. And what I found was extremely annoying. Instead of adult debate on the merits of the film we get an irritating argument between some religious people and some atheists that descends into insults. One side claims the film is the worst thing ever because it deviates from the biblical text. The other side derisively snort that, God forbid, the movie is fantastical and therefore silly. Both claims are childish and reductive (please note – I’m not talking about all religious people or atheists, just the insult slinging ones). So where does the truth lie?
Unsurprisingly it’s somewhere in the middle. Director Darren Aronofsky has attempted to embellish a bible story that was only four chapters long and pretty vague in the original book. Almost everyone knows the basic tale – God tells Noah that he’s going to wipe out most of mankind with a flood, and tells Noah to build a huge ark to save the animals and his family. This is the story Aronofsky uses as a jumping off point but to this he adds, amongst other things – an army attempting to storm the ark, a family drama, lots of fighting, and giant rock monsters. That’s right, I said giant rock monsters. You see, this telling of the Noah story is distinctly Tolkien-esque (I tried to think of a witty name for it but ‘The Nobbit’ is the best I could come up with). The attempt to attack the ark melds Helms Deep and the march of the Ents and it’s pretty bad-ass. Not to get into a theological argument but Genesis does mention giants so it’s not a huge leap to arrive at stone goliaths. And these big bastards batter people left right and centre in one of the most exciting scenes of the movie.
It’s the decision to make the scope more epic than a guy building a boat that gives the film it most memorable moments. This is a world that is very different from ours. The landscapes of the ancient world are strange and alien, like a big post apocalyptic quarry. This coupled with the story mean that the film could be set in the far future or the far past. Noah’s family scrape a living together off the land until a series of dreams given by God convince him to build the ark. From here the story becomes less action packed but more interesting as we come to question what the creator’s plan actually is and whether Noah can fully understand it in it’s entirety. Does God mean to save humans or have they had their chance? Or does He want to give Noah the free will to decide how his life plays out? It’s this ambiguity that elevates the film from a straight retelling of a simple story to a fascinating study of a man struggling to do the right thing on a global scale. Russell Crowe is excellent as the conflicted Noah and he’s ably supported by Jennifer Connelly as his wife Naameh and Ray Winstone as the villainous Tubal-Cain.
The last third may drag somewhat due to the shift from the action laden start and some of the special effects are a bit ropey but what’s left is a unique vision of one of the most famous events from the Bible. It would also have been nice to see more of the vast empires that the unworthy humans had constructed to give more of an idea how they lived. However great performances and a strong message of respect for nature and respect for your fellow man mean that this incredibly strange epic will stay with you and make you ask some deep questions about Man’s place in the world.
8/10
Screenkicker Quality Index (SQI)
Best
Screenkicker! 
“The Nobbit” – Brilliant!
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haha thanks, could be a sequel!
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hahaha “The Nobbit”! You know, I was completely against going to see this, and I probably still won’t, but your review made me at least not hate it 100% before even watching it. Also, yeah! Titanic sucks.
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You should catch it at some point even just to see how weird it is
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It’s a weird mixture of what Aronofsky does so damn well with his movies, and also with what Hollywood probably wants to pass as “propaganda”. It’s still worth watching, it’s just a bit strange is all. Good review.
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The environmental message was pushed slightly too hard but it’s a good sensible message so i don’t think it detracted too much. Thanks for your comment
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Good detail review, Mikey. I agree on the Imdb board being childish and immature at times. I’ll always get depressed after my visit to that place 😑
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It’s a depressing place but it’s very addictive reading all of the silly arguments people have. I’m glad my readers are all so cool! 🙂
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I’m so torn on this! I’ve read two good reviews and two bad reviews! I do fancy watching an epic though, so might take the plunge. To be fair, short of knowing about Noah and his ark, I’ve never read the bible so don’t know much more than that base fact anyway.
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It seems to be a divisive film but I found it to be wonderfully weird. I can see why some people wouldn’t like it but you should maybe give it a go and see for yourself
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Another positive review! And then I know there’ll be another negative one along soon too! Seems to be truly splitting opinion. I’m actually quite looking forward to this now purely to see what all the fuss is about!
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That fact that it’s created so much fuss is a good indicator that it’s at least an interesting film. If you like The Fountain by Aronofsky i think you’ll like this
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It was very Planet of the Apes and I loved the Hieronymus Bosch reference when the camera zooms out of the human hell (Well that’s what I thought it was).
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I’m sorry, i was too busy crouching down in my seat to avoid being spotted with the crazy bag lady to notice these things
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“Oh Noah you didn’t!” I am dying in pain, of laughter! 😀
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I should have stopped writing after that!
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It was all down hill from there 😀
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Hmmm, I expect a lower rating given your quibbles. Rock monsters??? I don’t usually resort to swearing by WTF! But I hear ya about the irritating argument between some religious people and atheists that descends into insults, that’s why I usually avoid forums as there’ll never be a civil discussion there.
I probably am not gonna see this one until it’s out on rental anyway. In any case, your captions are hilarious!
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I like weird movies and this was certainly weird! There was quite a lot going on so it interested me 🙂
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Hey – this is a good and non-smart-assy review. Who wrote this?? ; )
8/10? Really?? I wasn’t even going to see it because I thought it looked stupid… !
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And I like Titanic, dammit.
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Ha ha, great review. Are you not entertained?!
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Wow. You make it sound much better than I expected! I dunno…I’m still just kinda “meh” about this. Maybe I’ll catch it on DVD. Nice review, Mikey!
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People seem to like it or dislike it. I am sure I will get around to watching it at home. I really like Aronofsky; all I keep hearing is that it’s strange, strange, strange.
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Either people think its strange-good or strange-bad. I’m the former, you could include it in your mind-bending post!
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🙂
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This is thee worst film I’ve ever seen. Id rather drown that watch that shit.
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Yeah but you liked The Counselor so none of your opinions are valid
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Nice one Mikey! I don’t know how I managed to overlook this, but I guess I was just. . .drowning in a flood of reviews. . . around the time this came out. Slowly making my rounds now. . .
I wish Knoxville, TN was cooler so I could actually submit an entry into the Screenkicker Olympics. Knoxville is kinda bullshit!!!
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