If you asked me to describe Eric from the IPC in three words I would probably say “creepy, very creepy”. So in an effort to demonstrate this Eric has written a song for the Screenkicker Olympics. It’s and ode to his fellow Oklahoman Megan Mullally. Actually to be specific it’s a tribute to her boobies.
The song is to be sung in the tune of ‘Cat’s in the Cradle’ which you can play here:
Take it away Eric!
MEGAN MULLALLY SURE HAS A NICE RACK
I BET NICK O DIES WHEN HE GETS IN THE SACK
RUBBIN’ THAT STACHE ALL UP IN HER JUGS
IF I EVER MET HER, IT’D BE ONE ETERNAL HUG
SHE’S FROM MY HOME TOWN JUST A FEW MILES AWAY
YOU KNOW I STALKED HER UP JUST THE OTHER DAY
AND AS THE COPS BEAT ME AND USED PEPPER SPRAY
I SAID I’M A NICE GUY, YOU’LL UNDERSTAND SOME DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY”
_______________________
AND THE SHORT CHICK FROM WILL AND GRACE SURE HAS A NICE RACK
SHE ALSO HAS DOGS THAT ARE TRAINED TO ATTACK
THIS RESTRAINING ORDER SAYS “DON’T COME VERY NEAR”
AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE IT’S BEEN MADE VERY CLEAR
AFTER NICK BEAT MEEEEEE WITH BIG METAL TUBES
THAT I’M NEVER GONNA GET A CHANCE AT HER BOOOOOOOOOOOOBS
_____________________________
NOW HERE I SIT, HIDING AMONGST THE TREES
DEALING WITH THINGS LIKE INSECTS AND THE BEES
I CAN SEE THROUGH HER BACK PATIO DOOR
I GET SO FUCKING HOT WHEN SHE’S MOPPING HER FLOOR
ALL DOLLED UP LIKE A PRETTY FRENCH MAID
I KNOW SHE’S JUST DYING CAUSE SHE WANTS TO GET LAID
BY A BIG, OLE TALL GUY FROM JUST DOWN THE SET
I KNOW SHE’S JUST FUCKIN’ PLAYIN’ I’M HARD TO GETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
AND THE SHORT CHICK FROM WILL AND GRACE SURE HAS A NICE SET
I’D DO ALMOST ANYTHING TO PUT MY FACE IN IT
THIS RESTRAINING ORDER SAYS “DON’T COME VERY NEAR”
AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE IT’S BEEN MADE VERY CLEAR
AFTER NICK BEAT MEEEEEE WITH BIG METAL TUBES
THAT I’M NEVER GONNA GET A CHANCE AT HER BOOOOOOOOOOOOBS
_____________________________
THIS BULGE IN MY PANTS IS NOW AWFUL SORE
I GUESS I’LL RUN OVER THERE AND JIZZ ON HER DOOR
WOW I’M REALLY SURPRISED THAT NICK DIDN’T LIKE THAT
WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT CAT?
I TURNED TO RUN, WITH MY PANTS AT MY FEET
AND HEAR THE SIRENS COMING FROM DOWN THE STREET
WHILE I LAY THERE SQUIRMING, I FINALLY KNEW
THAT MY FUCKING DAY WAS TOTALLY SCREWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWED
__________________________________
AND THE SHORT CHICK FROM WILL AND GRACE SURE HAS A NICE STACK
SHE ALSO HAS DOGS THAT ARE TRAINED TO ATTACK
THIS RESTRAINING ORDER SAYS “DON’T COME VERY NEAR”
AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE IT’S BEEN MADE VERY CLEAR
AFTER NICK BEAT MEEEEEE WITH BIG METAL TUBES
THAT I’M NEVER GONNA GET A CHANCE AT HER BOOOOOOOOOOOOBS
NOW I’M SITTING IN PRISON DOING TIME FOR MY CRIME
GETTING FUCKED IN THE BUTT, TIME AFTER TIME
I AIN’T GOT NO FRIENDS AND THE FOOD IS THE PITS
JUST THINK, ALL OF THIS, TO SEE A COUPLE OF TITS
SO LET’S EXAMINE WHAT WE’VE LEARNED TODAY
YOU GOTTA GET YOUR BOOBS THE RIGHT PROPER WAY
BUY HER SOME ROSES AND WRITE HER A SONG
WHATEVER YOU DO, JUST DONT EXPOSE YOUR DONNNNNNNNNNNG
____________________________
AND THE SHORT CHICK FROM WILL AND GRACE SURE HAS A NICE SET
I’D DO ALMOST ANYTHING TO PUT MY FACE IN IT
THIS RESTRAINING ORDER SAYS “DON’T COME VERY NEAR”
AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE IT’S BEEN MADE VERY CLEAR
AFTER NICK BEAT MEEEEEE WITH BIG METAL TUBES
THAT I’M NEVER GONNA GET A CHANCE AT HER BOOOOOOOOOOOOBS*
_________________________
Okaaaaaaaayyyyy! I hope you enjoyed that future karaoke hit and insight into the mind of a severely disturbed mind. I’ll attempt to contact Megan about it and we’ll work on that restraining order together. The ultimate irony: I get access to the Mulally boobs while Eric is rotting in a Oklahoman prison. Thanks Eric!
*the views portrayed in this song do not represent the values of Screenkicker. But coincidentally I agree completely.
“creepy, very creepy” – lol!!!
Eric. Um. Hmm. Nice, um… Nice song. I do love the tune! ; )
LikeLike
Wait… I thought it was Ugly Kid Joe! ; ) #ShowingMyAge
LikeLike
Don’t worry I’ve alerted the authorities and tweeted it to her husband (I actually did this)
LikeLike
I was going to tweet it to him – you already took care of that?
LikeLike
Yeah I thought he deserved a warning 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks!! Because I know you MEAN that!!
#youloveme
LikeLike
Umm…
#yep : )
LikeLike
If you ever want me to write a song about your boobs, just let me know.
#forreal
LikeLike
Umm. That wouldn’t be creepy in the slightest. : P
LikeLike
What about our fans?? Think about the fans!!
#cans
LikeLike
We could write about one each. Then compare songs!!
LikeLike
LOOOOLLLLLL. Eric, I’ve said it before and I’m sure this won’t be the last time I say it: You are truly a poet. I feel like she might be flattered by this clearly heartfelt tribute. Maybe she’ll BUST you out of jail? …Get it? GET IT? …Heh. 😉
LikeLike
I’m glad you could get that off your CHEST Cara!
LikeLike
We are so PUNNY.
LikeLike
I CAN ONLY HOPE!!!!!
#everythingscrossed
LikeLike
Wow, that was a classic! It’s not every day yet get people covering Bob Dylam songs on wordpress. Wait. what? NOT Dylan you say?
LikeLike
Its an IPC original! You can tell from all the stalker-esque lyrics
LikeLike
Boobs and dongs….
LikeLike
Oh man. Looks like I can’t listen to this at work so I’m just making a comment to say that I am really looking forward to listening to it later!
LikeLike
It’ll really get your toes to tapping.
LikeLike
Damn….I need to hear that shit recorded so I can play in my Ipod. When is it going to be released on Itunes?
LikeLike
Actually Eric was planning to record it but didnt have the time. I’m gonna ask him if he can do it
LikeLike
Actually – we were going to record it but my friends fucking bailed on me like the fucking jerks they are. I’m hoping maybe Kloipy and I can do something.
LikeLike
Kloipy would make it sooooo sexy!
LikeLike
Eric, I’ve been working really hard on getting the money raised for your bail. I’m about $283 short. I could sell off some of my DVD collection but…well that’s just not going to happen. Good Luck to you sir! Thank God you can still post from the computers in the prison library!
LikeLike
I thank you for your efforts!! It sucks in here!!!!!! 😦 😦 😦 Will you at least come see me for some conjugal time??????????
#filth
LikeLike
I put a call in to Happy Harry’s Whore House and I’ve got you all set up! Let’s not discuss why I had their number.
LikeLike
WOO HOO!!! I hope they bring some rubbers!!
LikeLike
Hey mate, just got a call from Happy Harrys Whore house. Apparently only Happy Harry and his assistant Manuel Hung can come today
LikeLike
Um. Mikey, “*the views portrayed in this song do not represent the values of Screenkicker. But coincidentally I agree completely.”
This is not how such disclaimers are supposed to work. Though I agree as well.
LikeLike
Hahaha excellent! Join our club!
LikeLike
Ahahaha! What a hoot you guys! Offerman & Mullaly are an awesome couple aren’t they? Love them!
LikeLike
I love them too but I’m jealous of Nick!
LikeLike
hilarious (but very very creepy).
did u get a tweet response from NIck?
LikeLike
My lawyer has advised me not to comment on this matter
LikeLike
smart man 🙂
LikeLike
What a beautiful song… they should devote a rock opera to it!
LikeLike
We’re currently casting. I’m playing Nick and Eric is playing himself. Want to audition for the Megan part?
LikeLike
LOL! Only if I can wear a turtleneck!
LikeLike
Are you trying to turn this project into a flop?!
LikeLike
hahaha ok ok a hoodie then
LikeLike