Mini-Kicker – Lucy, TMNT, How To Train Your Dragon 2

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Hey everyone, I’m back! My epic trip to America is over and I’m back in rainy Edinburgh. Look out for the full report of my US adventures very soon. In the meantime here’s a new edition of Mini-Kicker where I take a look at three recent films and tell you that they’re crap/good (delete as applicable). The theme for this edition is movies about white people fighting bad guys from a different ethnic origin. Ok, I’ll admit I couldn’t really think of a link between the films so I just clutched at straws. Anyway here are the specimens up for dissection.

Lucy (2014)

"I could spout any old science shit and you'd all believe me. I'm Morgan Goddamn Freeman"
“I could spout any old science shit and you’d all believe me. I’m Morgan Goddamn Freeman”

Lucy was quite the hit in the UK when it was released in the summer. After watching it I honestly have no idea why. Scarlett Johansson plays an American student who accidentally consumes a drug that unlocks her full potential, an interesting idea that is completely wasted in dull action scenes around Asia and Europe. Johansson is better than the script she’s given and veteran actors like Morgan Freeman and Choi Min-sik are completely wasted. Lucy never appears to be in any danger meaning you just don’t really care what happens to her. Watch Limitless instead

4/10

 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

BURN IT! BURN IT WITH FIRE!!!
BURN IT! BURN IT WITH FIRE!!!

The latest TMNT adaptation is only produced by Michael Bay but you can see his filthy little fingerprints all over it. We get a Shredder who’s basically Megatron, lingering shots of Megan Fox’s ass, and a city demolishing climax. Unlike the 1990 movie of the same name these Turtles just aren’t likeable. Raphael is transformed from a cool badass into an aggressive asshole and Michaelangelo isn’t funny. Plus Splinter looks like a flea-ridden dog crossed with Bill Maher. The movie is CGI overload making the fight scenes impossible to follow, something I call the ‘Man of Steel effect’. It’s less cowabunga and more cow-shit.

5/10

 

How To Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)

Hiccup using the old 'cross your legs to hide your boner' trick
Hiccup using the old ‘cross your legs to hide your boner’ trick

Following up the fantastic How To Train Your Dragon was always going to be a difficult task however this sequel is a lot of fun. It’s not on the same level as the original but is still totally worth watching. All of the characters and cast are back (including friend of Screenkicker America Ferrera) with the people of Berk being at peace with the dragons until an evil dragon trapper attempts to spoil the love-in. The script isn’t as strong and the side story about Hiccup’s mother doesn’t add much but How To Train Your Dragon 2 is colourful, fun, exciting, and doesn’t drag-on (thank you!) like Lucy or TMNT.

7/10

What do you guys think of this trio, maybe you have a different opinion. Feel free to berate me in the comments below. Bonus question: What is your favourite movie dragon?

17 comments

  1. I was wondering where you were πŸ™‚ good to see you back! I really liked Lucy, will never watch TMNT and had a lot of fun with Dragon 2 considering I actually don’t like animation all that much. Good post!

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  2. Great to hear you’ve been to America, your trip will make for some great reading! I had no idea that a new TMNT was out…I’m still stuck in the 80s reminded of spending hours trying to get hold of a toy Donatello for my son for Christmas. It was pure manic hell, out of control parents pushing and shoving and probably punching too just like with the Cabbage Doll fisaco. Ha…such fun memories. Great to have you back Mikey:D

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  3. Welcome back, Mike!! Looking forward to hearing about all of your adventures…also a little worried to find out what you did to defile my country. But whatever. πŸ˜‰ Good reviews! Can’t comment on TMNT because I avoided it like the plague when I saw all the negative reviews, but I’m with you on the others–Lucy should’ve been better, but How to Train Your Dragon 2 was fun! Wait a second though–are…are we agreeing on things when you and Mutant aren’t?! What is this madness?!

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  4. “Plus Splinter looks like a flea-ridden dog crossed with Bill Maher.” — l-o-fucking-l dude!!! hahaha.

    Ah, yes. Man it’s been too long since I’ve been in your neck of the woods (meaning Screenkicker, I wouldn’t be caught dead in Edinburgh. . . just kidding! I was actually born in the Chelmsford area, but I am not sure where Edinburgh is from there.) I have missed your humorous posts/reviews. But I would have to agree with everything I see here. Turtles looked crap/creepy, Lucy was a joke and I am seriously kicking myself for not getting out to see Train your Dragon 2.

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  5. I completely agree about Lucy and TMNT…. And I loved the first How to train your dragon, and the second one was just as good. But of course nothing can beat the original πŸ™‚

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  6. I think I enjoyed Lucy a bit more than you did (I have never seen Limitless, so thanks for the head’s up) but HTTYD2 is amazing! I have a copy of TMNT but haven’t seen it yet.

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