Screenkicker in America: Part One – New York

WARNING: This post contains multiple images of my face

Yes I’m back from the land of the free, the great Satan, the home of the corn dog, yes that’s right – the USA! Its a part of the world I’d never been to so all I knew about America was from what I witnessed in television and movies. With Screenkicker intern and pizza lover Suzy P securely stowed in the hold of the plane, our first destination was the big apple – New York! My plan was to go there make the Statue of Liberty come to life, fake an orgasm in the middle of a packed restaurant, and stop an invasion of Chitari warriors with a few super friends. I’m sad to report I did none of that but that didn’t stop us getting in a New York state of mind.

First thing I should note is that our hotel had a f*cking robot in it that took your luggage! No really, here it is:

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This is how Skynet began

After my tech-boner subsided we scoured the city for movie related areas in classic Screenkicker style. I’ll talk about a few of them here. The cool thing about NY is that its basically a huge movie set. Everywhere you walk you recognise places that featured in all sorts of films. Here’s me outside the public library from the start of Ghostbusters:

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Don’t worry, I didn’t go in and read anything

Our first stop was Times Square, the place to be if you want to have strangers try to rope you into seeing a comedy show. Or have drama students dressed as sailors attempt to coerce you into seeing On The Town. I hate sailors now. Times Square is definitely something worth experiencing but probably only once and definitely not for a certain candy-based shop I’ll rant about later.

Times Square: In loads of films but I can't remember one right now
Times Square: In loads of films but I can’t remember one right now

OK more movie stuff then. Lunchtime in New York can only mean one thing – massive deli sandwiches stuffed with half a cow. So after quite a trek we went to Katz deli which you might know as the orgasm place from When Harry Met Sally. They even have the actual table marked out if you want to make a brass-rubbing of Billy Crystal’s ass impression. And when I say the sandwiches are massive I mean it. Exhibit A:

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Yes, I have an incredibly small mouth

As an aside, I’d like to discuss a stereotype I see in movies that I thought was obviously untrue – fat New York cops. It turns out that I was wrong, there are many chunky men and women in blue and they really like enormous slices of pizza. Fortunately this made my one man crime spree a lot easier. Next on the movie list was Central Park. And when I think Central Park, I think Die Hard With A Vengeance. Sadly there were no thrilling car chases through the park or Macauley Culkin being chased by criminals. Turns out its OK for Joe Pesci to chase a small child around the park but when I do it I get arrested. Land of the free my ass!

That’s all for today but make sure to come back soon for part 2 where we scale the Empire State Building and I confront two of my biggest fears. Its not to be missed!

9 comments

  1. Mikey, welcome to ‘Murica. Aka the place my dad kidnapped me to in the middle of the night. (If you want more details on that, all you have to do is ask.)

    Look forward to your next posts!!!

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  2. Aww – it sounds like you had loads of fun, Mike. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ve never been to New York – I’m a pathetic American! You totally did the first thing I’d do too – go to all the famous places from movies. I’m looking forward to hearing more about your adventures! But… What did you prefer? New York or Texas?

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  3. Awesome stuff! We went to the same places!! Except my apartment didn’t have any robots in it, so now I feel super ripped off.

    I noticed all the portly policemen as well! Makes you wonder how effective they are at chasing criminals. I actually saw a policeman eating a donut in a car and it was like every stereotype came to life in that moment.

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  4. I hope you visited the Ghostbusters firehouse! I loved walking past that on the way to work in the mornings. Also, I used to live on a rock in Central Park. Tell the big black guy with the cane โ€“ Sweet and Sour Ben โ€“ I said what’s up.

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  5. Haha…great fun this Mikey! I was the same with LA cops when I first visited in my other life (the late 70s, ha). Eating donuts and drinking coffee, bulging out of their uniforms? Yep…all true ๐Ÿ˜‰

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