Mini-kicker – the don’t bother watching edition

Mini-kickers are little reviews of new (ish) movies. For some reason these intros are getting shorter and shorter possibly due to my brain turning to mush after watching this uninspiring drivel. And with that lets dive into these non-classics!

The Magnificent Seven (2016)

To be fair this poster of Byung-hun Lee is cool as fuck

Another totally pointless remake to file alongside Ghostbusters and Point Break. Director Antoine Fuqua’s gravestone really should display the inscription “I made OK films”. The Magnificent Seven has one big redeeming quality in that it makes you want to watch the classic original. Denzel Washington is good in the lead roles while the rest of the excellent cast are given nothing to work with. It’s always nice to see Byung-hun Lee in anything so I guess that’s a plus point. The big action climax is entertaining but the lead up is a dull slog. The title really should be ‘The Seven’.

5/10

 

Inferno (2016)

inferno-cover2
Buckle up, you’re in for one hell of  a ride!

The third in the series of films based on Dan Brown’s books, Inferno is terrible. Ron Howard is an excellent director so why does he produce guff like this? My guess is he gets to film in Florence and Istanbul, two of the best cities in the world. On that note, be aware that a Florentine steak is pretty much raw, a mistake I made that I still have nightmares about. Inferno doesn’t have the solid story of The Da Vinci Code or the comedy value of Angels and Demons (looking at you Ewan McGregor) instead being an incoherent mess. Tom Hanks is good as always though.

I’m sorry Ewan, can we still be friends?

4/10

 

The Disappointments Room (2016)

Horror films should make you scared, should make you hide behind a pillow. What they shouldn’t do is have you constantly thinking ‘Kate Beckinsale is incredibly hot’. Which is true but not the aim of this movie. Written by Wentworth Miller who also penned the fantastic Stoker you have to wonder if this was a script that was fished out of the bin outside his house. Think ‘The Others’ if it was shit, The Disappointments Room fails on nearly every level apart from the aforementioned Beckinsale hotness. ‘The Disappointments Room’? More like ‘The Disappointments Film’! Sorry, that was terrible, here’s a pic of K-Beck!

wp-image-941827630jpg.jpg
You’re welcome

5/10

 

Have you seen any of these? Can you remember? What’s your favourite Byung-hun Lee film? Mine is A Bittersweet Life. 

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